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2 Nov Cry Like a Little Girl
Communication fascinates me. This is one of the reasons why I love being a communication trainer and coach. Communication is like breathing, it’s happening through every person every minute of the day. Communication breakdowns are inevitable no matter how thoughtful we are. As a communication trainer, I can become an observer/researcher to distract myself from negatively reacting (sometimes) as I did on a recent family visit.
The opportunity to learn came from my 19 year old daughter when we were meeting a new significant other (SO) of one of my sisters. The new SO is an affable guy and everyone really liked him. We had a busy day of talking and storytelling. (more…)
26 Sep Learning to Listen
Hearing and listening are not the same process. Hearing is the physical act of sound striking the eardrum. Listening is differentiating among those sounds. Hearing is an involuntary and reflective act. Listening is a voluntary and initiative act. As you read these words, you are hearing sounds in the room or outside the building. You are probably hearing an air-conditioning system or a furnace, or voices in the hallway. Perhaps you are hearing street traffic or an airplane. Hearing these sounds simply means that the sounds are striking your eardrum. It’s not until you focus on these sounds that you are actually listening to them. Now that we’ve mentioned them, do you hear the sounds around you? Are you listening to them? In a business environment, you will hear many sounds that could demand your attention. (more…)
20 Aug Why doesn’t she appreciate my advice?
In Nan and Billy’s house it goes like this:
Nan: I wish I could find a cause to get into, maybe volunteering or just doing something worth-while.
Billy: So call the College Club – I heard they need help, and the hospital gift shop might be looking for volunteers.
Nan: Forget it, you don’t even know what I’m interested in.
Billy: Geez! Why bring it up if you don’t want my opinion?
Billy means well, and his ideas might be valid, but Nan finds his approach annoying. In giving advice you anoint yourself as an authority, and if no one asked for it, you come across as know-it-all. More important, like many women, Nan is (more…)
31 Jul What?!? No PowerPoint?
Three different speech coaching clients have told me how they are planning to follow the steps of Amazon and do away with PowerPoint in their senior executive meetings. Fortunately, I was able to stop this colossal mistake before it was too late.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unaware of the torture and mis-communication that can happen when PowerPoint is used. I agree and support that certain types of meetings are best conducted without it. But to toss it out completely, as a blanket absolute, is just lazy and poor judgement. It’s also helpful to know that I’m a minimalist when it comes to the use of slides, so I’m not a PowerPoint pusher.
Because use of visual aids done poorly can render meetings a waste of time, I’m agreeing with Jeff Bezos. Why should any of us spend an hour or more to meet where there is no productive communication, no one being persuasive, no one able to successfully share ideas, so we walk away with no information?
24 Jul The Transformational Effect of Live Storytelling
The ability to speak with impact directly correlates with one’s salary. As an Executive Communication Coach, I have helped many nervous professionals hone their speaking skills in order to advance their careers. Typically, the coaching and training focuses on content organization and delivery skills for maximum effectiveness.
I love communication so much that it is not just my day job, but also my hobby. I’m a storyteller and participate in story slams. These are events where regular people tell a personal, true story to a crowd, based on the theme of the night. Many of them have never used a microphone before and some require coaxing by their friends to tell. (more…)
10 Jul I’m always more interested in talking than he is
Welcome to the one way conversation club. Though plenty of men turn somersaults to get conversational action going with their mates, more often women end up exasperated with silent partners. It’s not that women bore men – watch a man salivate over her every syllable on a long-awaited first date. Rather, whereas women tend to need a daily dose of conversational closeness, men value just being together and doing things together, even mundane activities like eating quietly side by side. For guys, verbal interaction is one part, and not necessarily the most important part, of the whole relationship picture. This frustrates women who judge closeness by the number of words exchanged per evening. If wives and girlfriends had their druthers, the time couples spend in conversation would surely rise from its measly weekly average of nineteen – yes, nineteen – minutes. (more…)
28 Jun Where Should I Look When I’m Speaking to a Group?
If you view the listeners as piranhas, you’ll grab any chance to avoid looking them in the eye. Lisa, a friendly, charming woman who had just been elected president of a large national church group, was dreading her first talk to the state leaders in her organization. She asked me if it was OK to aim her speech at the clock in the back of the church she’d be speaking in. “Surely,” I suggested, “you can find a face in the audience more friendly than the one on the clock. (more…)
31 May The Best Choice
How many decisions do you make in a day? Hundreds, maybe thousands, maybe many thousands…?
29 May He/She Always Interrupts Me
Both sexes can perpetrate and suffer interruptions. Yet researchers in the art of communication have repeatedly found that from the age of three on, males tend to interrupt and females tend to pass the conversational ball. The right to interrupt or dominate a conversation often serves as an expression of superiority or status. Nevertheless, when women yield the floor to men, it is not so much a display of inferiority as an indication of the importance they attach to accommodating others in conversation.
Even conversationally accommodating people can come off as interlopers. Women like to overlap a speaker with words of encouragement, agreement, or a parallel situation. (“I know what you mean, Bill. My family also had to struggle to make ends meet.”) Though she intends to establish empathy, she may annoy a man who doesn’t value verbal displays of support. (“That wasn’t my point. Let me finish.”)