Am I supposed to be a mind reader?

Jeff and Nina were at a Christmas party all of the thirty seconds when Nina whispered in Jeff’s ear, “I think Joan [one of the women in Jeff’s office] is getting divorced.” Jeff thought Nina was nuts, but a week later Joan herself told him that she had separated from her husband. When Jeff asked his mystical wife how she knew, Nina said, “Easy. She looked relaxed, had a great new haircut, and was playing with her wedding ring.”

For centuries, women’s interpersonal discernment has been acknowledged as “women’s intuition.” Now researchers have confirmed females’ superior skill in interpreting gestures, posture, and facial expression from fifth grade through adulthood. Since men in traditionally female professions like teaching and nursing excel in mood reading too, it’s not due to chromosomes but to socialization in pleasing others and practice in adjusting to others’ moods.

When one partner proves less adept at deciphering communication clues, the more intuitive one may falsely assume that the other just doesn’t care. The less intuitive partner tends to complain, “How the heck can I know what she’s feeling? Am I supposed to be a mind reader” By tuning in to each other’s strengths and weaknesses, intuitively mismatched partners can close the mood –reading gap.

Tips for the intuitively impaired

  1. Intuition is not associated with intelligence. So there’s nothing wrong with your brain, pal. Explain to your partner that reading moods isn’t among your talents.
  2. Intuition certainly does improve with practice. Start to pay attention to facial expressions, postures, and gestures in the people around you.
  • Look at people from distance and form an impression of what mood they might be in.
  • Turn down the sound on the TV. Guess what feeling the actors are conveying, then turn up and see if you’re right.
  • Take a stab at guessing how your partner might feel. Even if you’re way off, he’ll appreciate the effort.

“You look a little down today.”

“I bet things went well at your meeting today.”

“Something bugging you?”

Note: Expressive people are easier to read, so don’t practice with stone-faced types at first.

And to the intuitively gifted

  1. Don’t read into every move and expression your partner makes. This over-vigilance will make you a first class pain.
  2. Don’t assume others can read you as well as you read them. Many people, especially men, need a clear message about your feeling state.
  3. Avoid testing your mate to see if he notices your mood. It would be nice if he picked up on every nonverbal nuance, but don’t act neglected if that doesn’t happen.
  4. Use your gift wisely, to understand, not to reprimand.

 

Don’t Say: “You’re bored again. Can’t you get a hobby?”

Try: “Stumped about what to do again today?”

Spread the love

Author

MORE POSTS

How to Motivate Others

Become a more trusted and effective leader! In this 30-minute recorded lesson, you will learn the difference between inspiration and motivation. We will introduce six proven strategies and show you the unique Motivation Matrixthat you can put to use immediately to motivate anyone. Watch it now: https://speechimprovement.com/motivating-others-webinar-video/ Spread the love

Spread the love

Is Authenticity Overrated?

“To thine own self be true” from Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, is one of the most famous quotes from The Bard’s works. The essence of these words has great staying power and meaning, especially now. Applause for authenticity When asked how they’d like to come across in their leadership roles, more clients than ever share that they’d like to be authentic, natural, and genuine. They want to be true to themselves – not phony, fake, put

Spread the love

Paraphrase When Communicating and Coaching Others

Paraphrasing is repeating in your words what you interpret someone else to be saying. Paraphrasing is a powerful approach to furthering the understanding of the other person and yourself and can significantly increase the impact of another’s comments. As coaches, we know paraphrasing is incredibly difficult because we often need to listen deeply, a skill you must purposefully cultivate. Despite appearing attentive, our minds are churning with various thoughts, beliefs, defenses, distractions, and redirections. The

Spread the love

QUESTIONS? NEED HELP?

Tell us what’s on your mind: