5 Sep Cross-Cultural Conversations: Why Do We Misunderstand Each Other?
The topic of misunderstanding has many angles to discuss; it’s hard to pick one — tone, choice of words, inflection, context, etc.
Let’s look at teams that have members from other cultures. Now, remember, each group has its own culture, so when you see me use the word culture, it does not only mean different countries; it might mean other departments. The specific word I’ll focus on for this discussion is IDIOM.
Definition
an expression in the usage of a language that is peculiar to itself either in having a meaning that cannot be derived from the conjoined meanings of its elements (such as up in the air for “undecided”) or in its grammatically atypical use of words (such as give way) – Source: Merriam-Webster
While this may all sound like Latin to you, are we indeed that different in today’s modern world? Has the world changed that much? I like the topic of idioms because it’s how many Americans and other cultures communicate. Without awareness, it can be highly confusing for individuals learning English as a second language or those visiting an American culture.
A less formal explanation is that an idiom is a collection of words that together convey a specific meaning, but if you look at each word, they have very different uses.
Examples
These are just a few. As professional speech coaches, we train teams on cross-cultural communication often. During training sessions, we want participants to learn that what makes sense to them may not make sense to someone else. The other person might understand each word, but the collection of words together may have a different meaning. They should be aware of what they are saying, how they are saying it, and confirm understanding.
Imagine your daily conversations at work. How fast do you talk? How much information do you cover during a meeting? You see, your listeners nod and smile. Your talk makes great sense (to you). They express visual responses of understanding when, in reality, they have no clue what you’re saying. Then, you are surprised when the project comes out differently than expected.
Great communicators make an effort to maximize understanding. Perfect? No. However, we can improve our speech to communicate with clarity when we recognize the idioms that have become so ingrained into our speech. The sounds and words we use to communicate our thoughts can make perfect sense to us, but do they make sense to our listeners? If you use an idiom, try explaining it or consider how your listeners will or will not understand it. Give it some thought, and see how being more careful when communicating with people from other cultures does not improve.
13 Mar Delivering Performance Reviews Confidently
If your work situation requires you to manage other people, this complimentary lesson will benefit you. One of your responsibilities is to periodically give people an assessment of how they perform their work responsibilities. This is often a sensitive and uncomfortable task.
12 Apr Defensiveness Prevents Clear Communication
The First Moment: Defensiveness
If your listener is defensive, your point is probably missed. They have been left with the impression that you, intentionally or not, are criticizing their idea or them. Instead of focusing on getting solutions, they will be driven by this passion for defending the idea or their persona. They are struggling, and it may be your fault. You may have needed to set the right expectations; your tone may have needed to be more appropriate for the message you were trying to convey; you may not have provided them with the necessary resources to accomplish their goals, or they could just be worn out. If you take advantage of their defensiveness, it will only get worse. If you understand how to handle their defensiveness, you can rapidly shift their negative energy—whether fear, doubt, or worry—and help them leave the conversation with your message.
The Trap
They say, “No.” You say, “Yes.” They say, “I didn’t know.” You say, “You should have.” Perhaps you were taught to ask questions to manage effectively, so you say, “How could you not know?” But, the presupposition in this question suggests that they are somehow not smart because they did not know. While that may not be your intended message, it’s there, their spine will rise, and their eyes will narrow. If you react to their posturing instead of listening and assisting them to sit back and reflect on what’s bothering them, they will also react rather than focus on the real purpose of your conversation.
If you are in a conversation and you notice someone getting defensive, stop. Do not go any further with your point, as attempting to argue your idea differently rarely works; they won’t listen when defensive. They have one agenda: to deflect whatever they think you are attacking. You may need to just listen, ask a question, or make a statement like “What do you need?” or “Help me understand your point of view.” You may have to continue the conversation at another time. The fact that you take time to process and digest that conversation is validation, and that’s the first step to overcoming their defensiveness.
If you do not plan how you’ll approach their emotion, rigid beliefs, or confusion ahead, they will stay shut down and retreat deeper into themselves. To help them come to a decision or understand your point of view without feeling defensive, use a format called “Defensive Persuasion.”
The Format: Defensive Persuasion
- Validate. If they are going to be comfortable, they must know you value whatever issue is causing their defensiveness or their opinion—even if you disagree. Choose your mode of validation; will it be a head nod, listening, or paraphrasing? They can’t open their minds until they know you have heard and understood their point—especially when you disagree entirely. Even in established relationships, you will need to validate the other person. Not as often, but if they are fired up, the only way to cool them down is to show them you recognize their view or the value of their contribution.
- Frame. What message are you trying to communicate to them? You have to decide this ahead of time, and that’s why if you run into someone who is defensive and can’t figure out why and they won’t tell you, you have to pause the conversation. If you don’t’ know the message you want them to understand, the conversation will still go in circles, and they will stay defensive.
- Decide your timeline. It can take several conversations to overcome their emotion. Before stating what you want from the other person, you may need to validate for two or three conversations. If you do this correctly, the trust you build will enable you to communicate more easily next time.
Excerpt from Mastering Communication at Work: How to Lead, Manage, and Influence
26 Nov Why Doesn’t a Power Pose Work for Me?
Dating back as far as the 1950s, psychologists have connected the idea of your physical position with confidence. For example, people associated the psychology of “walking tall” with confidence. Over the decades, the concept evolved. In addition, movies, television, and social media have projected what confidence looks like. So it’s not much of a surprise when language like “power pose” and “Wonderwoman pose “ have gained new attention to the idea that your physical stance can impact confidence. (more…)
8 Mar Speaking Tips
The PPI consists of 10 questions to ask prior to the business presentation process. These 10 questions relate to listener analysis, and therefore your needs:
- Why am I speaking to these listeners?
- Why are they listening?
- What relationship do we have?
- What relationship do listener members have to each other?
- What do they know about this topic?
- What would they like to know?
- How will they use this information?
- What are they doing the day before I speak?
- What will they be doing the day after?
- What are the logistics of the event:time, location, room
description, temperature, seating, lighting, and sound?
The information you gather from these 10 questions will make the job of preparing a speech much easier. In addition, your listeners will be more likely to respond positively if they feel that your research has helped you prepare specifically for them.
10 Oct If you present to investors, you should know what Apple just released for you
If you present to investors or other small group meetings, watch Dr. Ethan Becker show you how to use Apple’s new SideCar technology to help improve human connections!