13 Mar Communicating with Authority

16 Jan Why Your Team May be Failing at Presentations

Usually, team presentations are done when the stakes are high and the consequences are critical, requiring subject matter experts to weigh in on their topic. These presentations are most often geared toward complex projects, strategic alliances, acquisitions, etc. Of course, they all have large sums of money involved.

Team presentations have many more challenges than individual ones. Most teams preparing on their own without a speech coach will spend all of their preparation time on the following:

• Who will say what during which slides
• The order of presenters
• Making the time fair/equal, etc.

While those logistics are important, we spend far too much time on those three rather than ensuring the team comes across as cohesive, knowledgeable, and collaborative. The decision-makers listening to and observing the team will be acutely aware of the team’s non-verbal and interpersonal communication. Research shows that more people rely on non-verbal communication than the spoken word.

For example, I had a client who was a well-known architectural firm who brought me in because they started losing projects they should have won. After assessing the team, I realized that one of the members did not get along with the others.

Despite well-planned, streamlined presentations, they still lost and they were dumbfounded. What were they missing? Their subtle nonverbal behaviors revealed team discontent. Despite the polite and professional words, there was discord within the team revealed by their facial expressions, lack of eye contact, awkward transitions, etc.

People believe what they feel and observe over the words they hear. Non-verbal communication can be very subtle via micro-expressions. This client needed an additional kind of coaching to get past the issues plaguing the team. It was much easier for an objective outsider like myself to point this out than someone on the team.

One helpful way to identify these behaviors in your team is to videotape the practice session. I assure you that unless you have analyzed a video of your team presenting, you may never know the subtle nonverbal behaviors that are blocking the successful communication of your message. It will help to watch the film with no sound and take notes.

Here is a list of nonverbal behaviors I have coached teams to improve:

• The way the team walks into the room and takes seats
• The way team members treat the furniture and items in the room
• The way the team walks out of the room
• The facial expressions, eye contact, and body language of those not presenting
• The way team members hand the clicker (or other items) to each other
• How the members address each other- tone-name
• How the members help each other with questions
• Tone alteration before and after the presentation – sounding authentic and natural
• How to handle smooth transitions between speakers

The list could go on and on. When there are high stakes, there are also savvy, intelligent people evaluating your team. Your team may have the most compelling content; however, if your non-verbal communication reveals discord or disconnect, you may be losing without ever knowing why.

It only takes one person to render your team presentation ineffective. A good speech coach can assess your team’s effectiveness objectively and give appropriate coaching techniques that help you with important team presentations.

17 Aug Listen to Your Gut

Microexpressions are brief, involuntary facial movements that reveal a person’s true emotions. They may last for only a fraction of a second and are often difficult to detect with the naked eye, but they can provide valuable insight into a person’s inner thoughts and feelings.

In order to use microexpressions effectively in communication, it is important first to understand their significance. Microexpressions are believed to be universal and biologically based, meaning that they are hardwired into the human brain and can be found and expressed across all cultures and demographic groups.

They are impossible to control and will reveal a person’s true feelings. Because microexpressions are typically 1/5th of a second, it’s quite difficult to ‘see’ or ‘notice’ them unless you film someone and analyze each frame. However, your subconscious mind will pick up on them as long as you are paying close attention. This may show up as a ‘bad feeling’ or something ‘being off.’ All of the words and facial expressions of the other person may be in alignment, but you still feel something ‘in your gut.’ According to this article, Gut feelings: the emerging biology of gut–brain communication:

“The concept that the gut and the brain are closely connected, and that this interaction plays an important part not only in gastrointestinal function but also in certain feeling states and in intuitive decision making, is deeply rooted in our language.”

17 May Identifying Manipulative Communication in the Workplace

Manipulative communication in the workplace decreases work efficiency, increases job dissatisfaction, contributes to a hostile environment and lowers morale. Most people are challenged to identify manipulative tactics and even when they spot them, they do not feel competent in responding effectively.

Spotting the manipulator can be difficult. They can be everywhere that humans are found. The manipulator can be anyone! They are difficult to identify because they are so well camouflaged and have no outwardly identifiable physical markings.

Manipulators are not restricted to certain locales, climates, social environments, or work settings. They prey on other humans. As a result, you may find them in any place that other humans frequent. You won’t have to “find” one; they will find you and, before you even realize it you will be engaged in a charismatic conversation!  In fact, they only way you can be manipulated is through communication.

To identify the manipulator, you must be a keen observer of behaviors and a critically active listener. You must understand the manipulator’s mindset to interpret your observations and know what you are listening for. Here are some key indicators:

They think in terms of win and lose. If someone is winning, they are losing, and they keep score of everything. Win/win does not exist for them. You will notice this in a random conversation where they bring up something from the past that seems minor or odd.

They show a need for controlling others and situations. They are the puppet master controlling everyone’s emotions and actions. It may be part of a strategy to achieve a goal, or it may just be for the sake of feeling more intelligent and powerful than others. Think about the cat playing with a mouse that it never kills so that the fun won’t stop.

They have an insatiable need for adoration and attention. Typically, they are charismatic and adept at attracting people.  They are usually glancing around to see who is looking at them instead of making genuine eye contact with someone.

They are deeply insecure. They try extremely hard to hide their insecurity. They may cover it with arrogance, confidence, and bravado, or they could use shyness and helplessness – all means are at their disposal. This insecurity will leak out randomly, so you must pay close attention. You could be having a wonderful conversation, and they slip in a question or comment revealing their insecure nature. If you dig deeper, it will go nowhere. They will change the subject if they think they revealed too much. Thus, the “insatiable need” to control.

They will NEVER allow themselves to show vulnerability. This is difficult to figure out because when another human shows vulnerability, an average person’s instinct is to show sensitivity. In contrast, to a manipulator, displaying vulnerability is a sign of weakness. On the other hand, they will feign vulnerability as a manipulative tactic. Of course, you will want to give the benefit of the doubt to someone who appears vulnerable, and you should.

They show feigned empathy to others. They are incapable of truly feeling empathy. If they did feel it, they wouldn’t be able to manipulate. Watch for consistency.  You may have a relative dying of cancer, and the manipulator may tear up (not real tears, though), hug you, and offer to help. One week later, your relative may come up in conversation, and they don’t even notice or acknowledge it.  Showing empathy in the moment is a common tactic used to cause others to see them as good and compassionate.

They ask a lot of questions. One identifiable behavior of a manipulator is that they traditionally ask many questions if they are going into an unknown situation.  Of course, that’s normal for most people, so you have to pay attention to the types of questions; the manipulator needs to strategize to control. Some of their questions will seem odd, nuanced, or detailed.

Now that we have reviewed the manipulator’s mindset, you may realize that this mindset’s manifestation comes through infinite types of conversations, behaviors, and circumstances. Are you to go through life suspicious and paranoid? No!

While you are learning, you will likely start thinking many people are manipulators who are not. In other words, they may be persuasive to get something to go their way – as we all do – but are not necessarily seeking to control another’s emotions, beliefs, or actions. The definition of manipulation is “the tactics used by adults on other adults for the sake of self-gain at the other’s expense.”

Over time by paying attention, you will become proficient at identifying manipulators. The manipulator will sense that you see through them and avoid you as they prefer easy targets.

27 Apr Strengthening Relationships with Appreciation 

Everyone wants to be appreciated. People want to feel and know they matter. Unfortunately, our culture in the business world leans more towards critique than appreciation and competition more than support. Knowing how to share authentic appreciation is an invaluable skill for strengthening relationships.

Here are four tips that help: 

Be Prompt - It’s best to share appreciation immediately, if possible. If you wait too long, you are likely to overanalyze, script yourself, and lose authenticity. The more delay, the less authenticity. Another risk with delay is the person you are appreciating may not remember the action/event details, and therefore, your appreciation won’t have its intended impact.  (more…)

22 Nov Don’t Talk Too Much! 

If you are a person who tends to give others too much information or go down rabbit holes of multiple topics, you will benefit by mastering an awareness of how much content you can deliver in 60 seconds. In addition, organizing your thoughts and practicing the delivery as a Subject Matter Expert will help you engage your listeners and make a memorable impact.  (more…)