17 May Identifying Manipulative Communication in the Workplace

Manipulative communication in the workplace decreases work efficiency, increases job dissatisfaction, contributes to a hostile environment and lowers morale. Most people are challenged to identify manipulative tactics and even when they spot them, they do not feel competent in responding effectively.

Spotting the manipulator can be difficult. They can be everywhere that humans are found. The manipulator can be anyone! They are difficult to identify because they are so well camouflaged and have no outwardly identifiable physical markings.

Manipulators are not restricted to certain locales, climates, social environments, or work settings. They prey on other humans. As a result, you may find them in any place that other humans frequent. You won’t have to “find” one; they will find you and, before you even realize it you will be engaged in a charismatic conversation!  In fact, they only way you can be manipulated is through communication.

To identify the manipulator, you must be a keen observer of behaviors and a critically active listener. You must understand the manipulator’s mindset to interpret your observations and know what you are listening for. Here are some key indicators:

They think in terms of win and lose. If someone is winning, they are losing, and they keep score of everything. Win/win does not exist for them. You will notice this in a random conversation where they bring up something from the past that seems minor or odd.

They show a need for controlling others and situations. They are the puppet master controlling everyone’s emotions and actions. It may be part of a strategy to achieve a goal, or it may just be for the sake of feeling more intelligent and powerful than others. Think about the cat playing with a mouse that it never kills so that the fun won’t stop.

They have an insatiable need for adoration and attention. Typically, they are charismatic and adept at attracting people.  They are usually glancing around to see who is looking at them instead of making genuine eye contact with someone.

They are deeply insecure. They try extremely hard to hide their insecurity. They may cover it with arrogance, confidence, and bravado, or they could use shyness and helplessness – all means are at their disposal. This insecurity will leak out randomly, so you must pay close attention. You could be having a wonderful conversation, and they slip in a question or comment revealing their insecure nature. If you dig deeper, it will go nowhere. They will change the subject if they think they revealed too much. Thus, the “insatiable need” to control.

They will NEVER allow themselves to show vulnerability. This is difficult to figure out because when another human shows vulnerability, an average person’s instinct is to show sensitivity. In contrast, to a manipulator, displaying vulnerability is a sign of weakness. On the other hand, they will feign vulnerability as a manipulative tactic. Of course, you will want to give the benefit of the doubt to someone who appears vulnerable, and you should.

They show feigned empathy to others. They are incapable of truly feeling empathy. If they did feel it, they wouldn’t be able to manipulate. Watch for consistency.  You may have a relative dying of cancer, and the manipulator may tear up (not real tears, though), hug you, and offer to help. One week later, your relative may come up in conversation, and they don’t even notice or acknowledge it.  Showing empathy in the moment is a common tactic used to cause others to see them as good and compassionate.

They ask a lot of questions. One identifiable behavior of a manipulator is that they traditionally ask many questions if they are going into an unknown situation.  Of course, that’s normal for most people, so you have to pay attention to the types of questions; the manipulator needs to strategize to control. Some of their questions will seem odd, nuanced, or detailed.

Now that we have reviewed the manipulator’s mindset, you may realize that this mindset’s manifestation comes through infinite types of conversations, behaviors, and circumstances. Are you to go through life suspicious and paranoid? No!

While you are learning, you will likely start thinking many people are manipulators who are not. In other words, they may be persuasive to get something to go their way – as we all do – but are not necessarily seeking to control another’s emotions, beliefs, or actions. The definition of manipulation is “the tactics used by adults on other adults for the sake of self-gain at the other’s expense.”

Over time by paying attention, you will become proficient at identifying manipulators. The manipulator will sense that you see through them and avoid you as they prefer easy targets.

9 May Sometimes It Takes All Day To Get Nothing Done

In the past three years, we’ve had to look for creative ways to collaborate. We’re in the era of real-time virtual technology mixed with in-person meetings. It’s overwhelming. When we’re overwhelmed and spread too thin, we tune out and barely participate in one meeting as we often try to multitask.

Zoom, Teams, Slack, WhatsApp, and many others give us no reason not to collaborate on our day-to-day jobs. However, with so many meetings, are we really getting anything done?

Interestingly, a recent McKinsey survey found 80% of those leaders surveyed say they find themselves spending too much time in countless interactions that produce an overwhelming amount of information and drain their productive energy. They report making changes to reduce the number of non-collaborative meetings that could be done asynchronously or in a condensed timeframe.

One suggestion in this research for improving collaborative interactions is to categorize them into three types of communication:

Decision making – Major committee decisions, like an investment committee.
Creative solutions and coordination – Innovating/brainstorming for a new product or service.
Information sharing – One-way sharing: videos and two-way communication such as at Q&A sessions or Company Town Hall.

The common thread in all these is knowing your communication strengths and areas for improvement.

Having a good framework to hang your thoughts on when you collaborate in a meeting is crucial. We know that 65% of the time we are in virtual meetings, at least one participant is busy doing other things.

Frameworks for delegating, problem-solving, and giving feedback are just a few of the tools a good Coach or Team Leader will use to grow their team members. A good Coach can help you speak and lead with confidence. This is a driver for effective collaboration.

Read the study here:

https://www.mckinsey.com/capabilities/people-and-organizational-performance/our-insights/if-were-all-so-busy-why-isnt-anything-getting-done

12 Apr Defensiveness Prevents Clear Communication

27 Mar Be Prepared Before You Speak to a Group

(more…)

7 Mar Thinking on Your Feet

Thinking on your feet, also known as being quick-witted or spontaneous, is important in many situations, such as public speaking, negotiations, impromptu speeches, or spontaneous debates. Here are some tips to help you develop your ability to think on your feet:

1. Be Prepared: Preparation is vital to success. The more you know about a topic, the more equipped you are to handle unexpected questions or challenges. Read up on current events and familiarize yourself with key facts and figures related to your area of expertise. Be open to learning, unlearning, and relearning.
2. Practice Active Listening: Pay close attention to what others are saying, and respond thoughtfully and deliberately. Listen to understand, not to give a response or argue. Avoid interrupting others, and try to understand their point of view before responding.
3. Stay Calm: When under pressure, it can be easy to become disoriented, flustered, or intimidated. However, the ability to remain calm and focused is imperative to being able to think on your feet. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are well prepared.
4. Be Confident: Confidence is a critical component of thinking on your feet. Believe in yourself and your ability to handle whatever comes your way. Try to project a sense of self-assurance, even if you are feeling nervous.
5. Use Humor: Humor is a powerful tool for disarming tense situations and keeping the conversation light. Use humor to answer difficult questions, diffuse escalations or complex situations, and keep the audience engaged and focused.
6. Stay Flexible: Be prepared to pivot and change direction when necessary. Be open to new ideas and perspectives, and be willing to adjust your approach if the situation warrants it.
7. Stay Focused: Avoid diverting or bogged down on irrelevant details. Stay focused on the main topic and avoid getting sidetracked by tangential issues.
8. Keep it Simple: When thinking on your feet, it’s essential to keep your responses clear, concise, and easy to understand. Avoid using jargon or complex language, and try to make your points in a way that is easy for others to comprehend.

In conclusion, thinking on your feet requires a combination of preparation, active listening, confidence, humor, flexibility, focus, and simplicity. With practice and persistence, you can develop these skills and become a confident, quick-witted communicator.

16 Feb How to Prepare for a Big Four Partner Interview

A partner interview is part of the recruitment strategy for the ‘Big Four’ accounting firms in the US, (PricewaterhouseCoopers, KPMG, Deloitte, and Ernst & Young) and is the last stage in what can often be a lengthy recruitment process.

The purpose of the partner interview is to make sure the candidate is a good fit for the company. There may be some preset questions – and usually a short presentation – but the interview itself is mainly reactive, based on the speaker’s comments, and at times can feel adversarial or combative.The key to a successful partner interview is preparation. For this reason, this article will focus on one specific area of mastery within the partner interview: the Question and Answer segment.

Knowing the likely styles of questions that will come up and preparing practical answers with a speech coach will help you prepare and come across as a confident, polished expert. Almost all of the companies will combine standard interview questions with behavioral and competency questions.

Here are three strategies on how to best prepare for the partner interview Question and Answer portion:

1. Prepare it, then let it go. It’s important to note that preparing for an interview does not mean trying to remember the answer to every possible question that may ask you. While a speaker may formally make notes in advance, and prepare answers with the key talking points, you should not plan to reference the notes in the interview, (even if you are virtual and could sneak them onto your monitor without anyone knowing). Your research and preparation will ensure that you have a set of adaptable answers that you can alter for anything that might come up.

2. Brainstorm the questions you expect to get, and the questions you hope are NOT asked. Below are examples of questions you might be asked at a partner interview:

• With the current [latest world event here, such as a new President or global health crisis], how do you see your market changing?
• Tell us a first in the door example.
• What is your point of view on where the account needs to focus on continuing its growth trajectory?
• How has the [latest topical event or challenge] impacted your market and how you sell and deliver to clients?

And as mentioned above, plan for the questions you hope are NOT asked, which will be personal and unique to you, such as:

• What are our most significant challenges with [topic you feel uncomfortable addressing], and how would you recommend we address them?
• What are your thoughts on the future strategy of our business?
• What do you see as our most significant talent challenges, and how would you address them?
• Tell me about a time you got it wrong.

3. Create a plan to handle nervousness. Despite this being the final interview in the process, it doesn’t have to be the most nerve-wracking. The company has seen something in you, so be confident, open, relaxed, and personable. Simple ways to demonstrate confidence include being aware of your nonverbal communication, (such as fidgeting), having a warm smile when appropriate, and speaking with clear and concise language.

One final thought – we often say as Executive Communication Coaches at The Speech Improvement Company – your amount of preparation should match the level of importance. I’d place a Big Four partner interview at a high level of importance. It’s always better to over-prepare than to under-prepare, especially when it comes to interviews.

We regularly help our clients thrive in partner interviews for the Big Four. Let us know if you’d like to talk about how we can help you with your upcoming high stakes interview.