Archives

4 Aug Why Do People Fear Speaking?

by Dr. Dennis Becker

“This question presupposes what to most of society is a given. Speaking to groups is a scary proposition. In fact, it is one of the most prominent fears of all humans. Each survey that is taken places it in the top three, almost every single time. It would be interesting for you to ask a few friends if they feel nervous or fearful about speaking before groups. I’m sure you’ll get mixed replies, of course. One thing you’ll notice, even from those who express little or no fear, is a caution. You will hear statements like ‘It depends on who’s in the group,’ and ‘Well, only some groups.’

It’s not uncommon to hear of career opportunities that have been passed by because they require ‘public speaking.’ It’s not only anxiety about groups. It is also common to find that the anxiety extends to certain types of individuals such as those in positions of authority, or people who are more senior, or, perhaps, people who have different cultures, etc. The fear can be triggered by many things.

So, how do we help people to control that fear? I am not using the term ‘overcome’ to describe the outcome. The very word ‘overcome’ can be too compelling. It can put too much pressure on sufferers to eliminate the fear. So, we strive to gain control over it. This is not a capitulation. It is a recognition that each person will go as far as is needed to regain control over the experience of speaking to groups.

As Speech Coaches for The Speech Improvement Company, we bring 45 years of experience to this effort. We recognize that there are two popular methods for ‘treating’ fear of speaking. They are Visualization and Cognitive Restructuring. Over the years, we have utilized each of these. However, by far we have found most positive results with the Skills approach. That is, we help clients identify and understand exactly what it is that triggers the fear. Then we introduce specific skills to fill any void in the ability to combat that trigger. This process eventually leads to the elimination of the fear inducing triggers. It has been very successful.”

31 Jul Talking about Talking Series: The Gates-gate

Click on the link below to watch a video featuring coaches Dr. Dennis Becker and Laurie Schloff.

30 Jul Catching Up With the Coaches – Monica Murphy

This week, we caught up with Senior Coaching Partner Monica Murphy.

Monica is currently leading a lengthy customer service training program with software developing company Pega Systems. This unique program, called Communicating Extraordinary Service, was developed by Monica and fellow TSIC coaches Kristen Curran-Faller and Debbie London, and has led Pega Systems to great success.

>What is Pega Systems and how did you become involved with them?

“Pega Systems is a software developing company that helps businesses automate their business processes. We have had a 10-year relationship with them, originally beginning with Presentation Skills Training for some of their managers in the engineering group. It was a combination of presentation skills coaching and individual communication coaching.” (more…)

28 Jul New Management

The Speech Improvement Company Inc., has announced today the promotion of Ethan F. Becker to President, and Kristen Curran-Faller to COO (Chief Operating Officer). Dr. Dennis Becker will remain on as the firm’s CEO and Dr. Paula Borkum Becker will remain as the firm’s CFO.

“For 45 years, Paula and I have been holding the reigns for all the operating functions of the firm. We will continue to coach and remain infuential in the firms decisions as we hand over the day to day operations to the next generation,” said Dr. Dennis Becker. Dr. Paula Borkum Becker added “Kristen has been with the firm for 18 years and heavily involved in the daily operations, from engaging with clients to back end office to billing and other company needs. Ethan has really expanded the thinking of the firm, bringing in new technologies and clients from all corners of the world. I’m excited about the engery and expertise they will bring for the next 45 years.”

Ethan, 38, holds an undergraduate degree in Communication, a graduate MBA with double focus in International Business Communication and Leadership. He is currently enrolled in a PhD program in The Psychology of Business Communication. He has been a senior coach and trainer with TSIC since 2001. Prior to joining TSIC he held positions as Project Director and Team Leader for Media One Hundred. Ethan has also held positions as a motivational trade show speaker for major corporations. In addition, he began his career as a corporate video producer, and music video producer.

Kristen holds an undergraduate degree in Speech Communication, and a graduate degree in Training and Development. Before assuming her role as senior trainer and coach, she worked in advertising and marketing, and served as Director of The Customer Service Training Center. During her 18 years of service to TSIC, she has initiated many policies and pioneered many programs, including the worlds’s first, and TSIC patented, Virtual Reality Therapy regime. She has strong integral knowledge of the inner workings that keep the firm strong and thriving.

“We are all excited about the transition to these two highly qualified and dedicated professionals. It represents the foundation for growth and the clear continuation of the firm in its mission to help all people strengthen their oral communication skills. Kristen and Ethan hold the respect of everyone on the team and we support the move 100%,” said Monica Murphy, a Senior Coaching Partner with TSIC since 1990.

More about Ethan’s background may be found at http://speechimprovement.com/ethan
More about Kristen may be found at http://speechimprovement.com/kristen

Are women better managers than men?

A recent article on the New York Times titled: “No Doubts: Women Are Better Managers” sparked this reaction from Coach Laurie Schloff.

Communication Coach Laurie Schloff of The Speech Improvement Company (Boston and Tampa) agrees with Carol Smith (right) of the Elle Group that women are often better managers, but based on her work with hundreds of females aiming for the C level she cautions ambitious females:

1. Women are still cut little slack in terms of ‘acceptable’ management behaviors.

Not only do you have to be viewed as competent, you must also be warm and nice. (more…)

27 Jul Dr. Dennis Becker on The arrest of Henry Gates

by Dr. Dennis Becker.

“Isn’t human communication fascinating?! This whole Gates-Cambridge Police-Crowley-Obama flap is just the latest in the ongoing saga of humans attempting to communicate with each other. By this time, we all pretty much know what happened:

Gates lost his keys to his home and couldn’t get in, Gates asks help of his limo driver to push the door in, Neighbor observes two “black men with back packs” doing this, Neighbor, being good neighbor, calls the police and reports attempted break-in, police arrive, Officer Crowley knocks on door, Gates comes to door, Crowley asks for identification, Gates retrieves Harvard ID card to verify his ownership and occupancy, Crowley accepts response and turns to leave porch, Gates complains about being harassed because of being a black man, Gates emerges from house onto front porch and continues commentary, Crowley replies with comment on Gates being public disturbance or disturbing the peace and arrests Gates.

Gates is placed in handcuffs behind his back, Gates complains he uses a cane and can’t walk with hands behind him, different officer intervenes and handcuffs are changed to front of Gates as he is taken to jail.

Now, obviously I’m summarizing broadly here. You can watch the video of both Gates and Crowley describing what happened.

I realize that there were nuances of inflection, facial expression, body language, volume, vocabulary, and more which were in play during the actual incident. I realize that it is important for us to engage in rhetorical analysis of the micro elements of this communication, if for no other reason than to learn from it. All of this can be justified from the perspective of wanting to help others who may be confronted with similar situations. I get that.

So, as a communication coach with more than 40 years of experience, allow me to suggest what would have served better for both Gates and Crowley. These two intelligent, accomplished professionals should be embarrassed for themselves for not being able to simply chalk this up to poor, but understandably human judgment at the time of the incident.

Each of these men entered that situation with personal and professional “baggage,” probably harkening as far back as early childhood, regarding issues of authority, privacy, race and respect. Each of these men, in retrospect, is still being controlled by those same long-standing attitudes which enable the “baggage” they carry. Gates should have thanked the officer for doing his duty. He should have overlooked the “attitude” that may have been conveyed in body language, vocabulary, etc. He should have immediately called his neighbor and offered thanks for the caring, watchful eye.

Crowley should have, after verifying the identity of Gates, apologized for any inconvenience and explained that he was simply responding to a report of a break-in and following usual protocol. He then should have simply turned and left the premises. He has probably done this many times before. So, as my Jewish friends would say, “Why should this night be any different than any other night?” Well, that’s human nature. We get very defensive as an initial means of interaction in what appears to be a threatening situation. No, not necessarily physically threatening, but threatening to authority, privacy, race and respect. Most of us lash out with the first two human communication tools we have – body language and speech. That is, we give a “look,” a “gesture,” a “mumble,” a “snicker.” You all know what I’m describing. We have all done it on occasion. It’s a human’s way of “defending” turf and self. On the receiving end, it gets regarded as disrespect or a challenge. If the reaction isn’t strong or obvious enough, there are always onlookers who can add “Ooh, are you gonna’ take that?” and we all know where it goes from there. Suddenly, all our “baggage” starts to unravel and the humans have two options: one is verbal/nonverbal and the other is physical.

Both of these men were at fault. Each should have acted more responsibly in recognizing the setting and circumstances that brought them together. Both of them should simply recognize their actions as the heat of the moment, while not being “wrong” were triggering and were triggered.

To top it off, now Obama is in it! His remarks did not serve him well. His vocabulary did not serve him or others well. He does not have an equal right to proclaim positions and expect little or no repercussion. He too has “baggage.” He’s human. All humans have “baggage,” but he is the President of the most powerful nation on the planet. He is a historical figure in so many ways. Whether we agree with him or not, he must be a bit more accepting – his casual, over the back fence, friendly, neighborly opinion just ain’t that. He’s The President of the most powerful nation on the planet! However, the rest of us must also accept his humanness and be able to step back from the fake heat that is generated by those who live off the “baggage” of others.

There are so many more critical issues in the world. Why are we not blogging about Darfur, or child molestation, or hunger, etc. Come on folks, keep it real! Try carrying your “baggage” in the other hand for a while.”

Dr. Dennis Becker is CEO , Principal & Senior Coaching Partner at The Speech Improvement Company.

24 Jul Rewind: Professor Gates meets Sgt. Crowley

If only everyone had obeyed our SOS Stop-Observe-Strategize Principle, one esteemed Harvard professor and one well regarded police sargeant in Cambridge Massachuseetts would be sleeping better tonight.

So to the both of you, think mind over mouth next time.

1. Sgt. Crowley: Couldn’t you have used your astute observation
skills to surmise that the well dressed, articulate and arrogant fella
was likely a Harvard man? Could you have made nice?

2. Professor Gates, yes you just returned from China and couldn’t get
into your own house but you’ve been controlling your demeanor for good
results your whole life.

Could you have told yourself “this is really not my day” and come up with a way to humor the stone faced officer? How about finding out more about what job he had turned up at your home to do, then proudly shown your ID?

Ok no one, black or white, likes to show identification at their own house, but the officer would have called it a day and you would have had the time for tea and jet lag recovery

3. Hey guys, you are both supposedly experts in racial profiling.
Shouldn’t this have led to a bond not a breakdown?

Imagine a rewind:
Gates: Here’s my ID. I’m head of African American Studies here at Harvard–just got back from China

Crowley: Sorry Professor, this isn’t your day is it? Sorry for the inconvenience but we got a call and there’s been quite a few burglaries lately. Well I’m off to the police academy to teach.

Gates: Really, what do you teach?

CrowleY: Ethics and avoiding racial profiling

Gates: Terrific… that’s my expertise too. well keep up the good work. And thanks for watching out for the neighborhood. And keep being cool before you use those handcuffs on some dude.
Crowley: No problem professor. Remember your keys next time.

22 Jul Boston tweet-up in August

Following the great success and interest in our first Social Media seminar, I am planning to organize a tweet-up in the first half of August.

Please get in touch with me by email or leave a message below, and suggest topics of discussion as well as preferred day/time.

Wahyd Vannoni
Director of New Media / Coach

http://speechimprovement.com/pages/wahyd_vannoni.php

The Speech Improvement Company, Inc.

1614 Beacon Street
Brookline, MA 02446
USA

Phone: +1 617-739-3330
Fax: +1 617-232-9430

http://www.speechimprovement.com

Connect: http://www.linkedin.com/in/vannoni

20 Jul How Obama Talks: Why Obama Needs a Teleprompter

Commentary by Laurie Schloff

“When Obama’s telempromter screen shattered abruptly at a White House press briefing last week, the audience held its collective breath.

Obama’s communication strength lies in his ability to deliver a prepared, pre-written speech, not to ad lib, “wing it” or be impromptu. Communication coaches observe that this difference in skill depending on context is not unusual at all. In fact, John McCain (remember him?) was way more smooth when responding to on-the-spot questions than
reading off a teleprompter.

Luckily for Obama, there was an additional teleprompter screen at his briefing and he continued on with his usual grace.”

Question: What do you like or not like about the way Obama speaks?

Next Obama Talk: What’s he doing with his hands?