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When there’s a consistent communication disconnect between you and someone on your team, no matter who reports to whom, there’s a good chance that threat and defensiveness are at play. Often, it’s not even conscious.

Competition and negative reinforcement can drive short-term performance, but long-term success depends on opening communication channels.

Start by asking yourself: What about me might be threatening to this person? The answer can be surprising.

Maybe they admire you yet feel intimidated by your abilities.

Maybe you speak too quickly… jump through too many technical details… or come across as too brief in conversation. Even small patterns can create unintended tension.

Once you have an idea, make a small adjustment.

Slow your speaking rate, pause longer before responding.

For example: briefly explain why a request matters.

Sometimes it’s as simple as softening your tone, offering a smile, or acknowledging their point before moving forward.

These subtle cues build psychological safety. When they notice your effort, they’ll appreciate it, even if it’s a bit awkward.

Then, take it one step further: validate them by first observing closely what they emphasize when making decisions and noting details they care about. Listen for repeated themes, ask clarifying questions if needed, and reflect back what you notice. Next, find one small, consistent thing they do (especially something others probably overlook) and express genuine appreciation for it, making your validation specific and authentic.

It might be as simple as how they organize their notes, the way they prepare a meeting space, or even the kind of paperclips they always use. Recognition of that detail makes them feel seen. And here’s the bonus: every time they repeat that behavior, they’ll feel a quiet neurochemical echo of that validation.

This isn’t just easing tension—it’s building trust.

Even for those who are already very good communicators, there is always room to level up. Below I discuss three areas in which communicators can grow in effectiveness. Understanding even one of these is a good step toward growth. You should…

KNOW THAT FAMILIARITY AFFECTS COMMUNICATION

There is a huge difference between communicating with people you know and people who do not know you. I am a longtime soccer fan and a soccer coach, so I watch a lot of soccer games. One thing anyone can see when watching soccer is the difference between teams that have played together for a long time and teams that were just put together for a tournament. The familiarity gained from practicing together makes things flow more smoothly.

Communication is the same: when you gain familiarity with others, communication can flow more smoothly. When you are not familiar with others, you need to work harder to have an effective interaction. The first step is awareness of the difference between these two groups. With listeners who do not know you, you will need to work harder to…

REMOVE BARRIERS FOR THE LISTENER

Much of our expertise in speech communication focuses on how to help listeners hear the important information you, the speaker, want to communicate to them! A catchphrase in our company is “It’s not about YOU”—meaning that, as speakers, we are often very self-centered, focusing on what we are going to say and how we are going to say it. This is to the detriment of the listener because what is good for the speaker is often not good for the listener.

For example, putting lots of words on your slides can be a comfort for the speaker. Many speakers want to deliver a lot of information, especially if they are experts in their topic. They want to make sure they include all of that information on the slide. However, having lots of words on slides can create cognitive overload for the listeners, making their job of understanding the speaker harder. If the job of listening gets too difficult, people simply stop doing it!

Too much information in the presentation and on the slides makes the task of listening too difficult. Carefully curating the information you will present enables your listeners to understand your message better. To more effectively determine what information you should include, you need to…

PRACTICE THINKING ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON

Thinking about the other person does not come naturally; we tend to be self-focused. To be an effective communicator, you need to think hard about what it is that will help the listener be able to hear you. Is the listener an expert? Is the listener pressed for time? Does the listener know you personally? All of these will change the way you communicate.

Getting into the practice of considering the listener is a good first step to communicating more effectively, whether it is with your familiar teammates or a new group of listeners. Remember: with a little effort, you can always improve.

As an executive communication coach, I often talk with clients about the importance of credibility or ethos for speakers. If you want people to listen to, care about, and be persuaded by what you say, it is incredibly important to establish credibility with your listeners. If you’re an executive, you are certainly experienced and have many credentials and degrees, but listing those verbally can be boring and at worst may be seen as pretentious!

How do you demonstrate credibility when speaking beyond listing your credentials, degrees, or position? Research in this area breaks credibility down into expertise, trustworthiness, and goodwill of the speaker. One way to boost your credibility across these areas when speaking: with your content.

First, carefully choose and organize your content to demonstrate that you have expertise in this subject area. Show that you have done your homework and are familiar and comfortable with this subject. This starts with clarity and organization of your content to help listeners follow you.

Second, ensure accurate content to establish that you are trustworthy.This means no made-up facts! Accuracy shows that you can be trusted to tell the truth.

Third, show that you feel goodwill toward the listeners. One way you can do this is to admit when you do not know something. Doing so shows you would rather admit your own (small) weakness than send the listeners astray. And of course, you will find the answer and get back to them, because you care about them.

There are many ways to build credibility. Consider how you can integrate expertise, trustworthiness, and goodwill to show listeners you are a credible source of information. If you aren’t sure how to do so, a communication coach makes an excellent partner in strengthening your organization, accuracy, and ability to answer questions.

Attending a professional conference can be a powerful way to expand your network, showcase your expertise, and open doors to new opportunities. However, the benefits don’t come automatically. The key is thoughtful preparation. Here are actionable tips to ensure you maximize your time and investment at your next conference:

1. Strategize Your Connections – Make a Target List:Review the attendee and speaker lists before the conference. Identify the people you want to connect with—aim high! This could include industry leaders, potential mentors, or collaborators.
2. Research and Prepare:Learn about their work, challenges, or interests. This preparation will enable you to ask insightful, specific questions demonstrating your knowledge and genuine interest.
3. Craft Your Conversation Starters:Unique and Relevant Questions: Think beyond clichés. Prepare questions that allow others to share their expertise and shine. For example, instead of asking, “What do you do?” try, “I saw your recent work on [specific project/topic]. What inspired that direction?”
4. Be Ready to Listen:While preparation is crucial, listening during sessions or conversations can help you craft more thoughtful, relevant questions.
5. Polish Your Personal Presentation – Dress with Intention:Your attire communicates before you speak. Choose clothing that aligns with your professional goals and sends the right message.
6. Add a Conversation Piece:Consider a unique accessory, such as a printed tie, a bold scarf, or a lapel pin. These small touches can spark easy conversations and help you stand out.
7. Be Prepared to Speak ‘The Language of Benefit’ – Focus on Value:Be ready to articulate how who you are or what you do is beneficial to the person you’re speaking with. Why should they listen to you or care about what you’re saying? If you can’t find a reason, it’s best not to engage.  Example: Instead of saying, “I’m a software developer,” you could say, “I help companies streamline their operations by creating custom software solutions that save time and reduce errors.” This reframes your role in terms of the benefit it provides.
8. Be Strategic in Sessions – Prioritize Key Sessions:Aim to attend talks by the most well-known speakers or on topics that align with your goals. Arrive early to secure a good seat and prepare to ask a thoughtful question.
9. Have Backup Questions:If someone else asks your question, have a second one ready. This ensures you’re still able to engage meaningfully.
10. Make Every Conversation Count – Wrap Up with an Action:Don’t let the conversation end without a next step. A simple but effective close is, “May I connect with you on LinkedIn?” Set a specific follow-up, like sending an article or scheduling a call if appropriate.
11. Remember, It’s Just the Beginning – Focus on the Long Game:Conversations with important leaders are just the starting point. When handled well, they can lead to future engagements.
12. Keep It Simple:Avoid launching into a full business idea or plan during an initial interaction. Instead, offer a teaser and ask for another meeting.
13. Build Credibility and Trust:Earning trust takes time and effort. Use the face-to-face opportunity at conferences as a powerful foundation for deeper relationships.
14. Maximize ROI:The Power of Preparation. Conferences require significant investment in time, energy, and money. To make the most of it: Plan Who to Meet: Don’t leave networking to chance.
15. Prepare What to Say:Tailor your questions and conversations to stand out.
16. Think Ahead:From your attire to your follow-up actions, intentionality ensures you leave a lasting impression.

With thoughtful preparation, you’ll turn a simple conference into a launchpad for meaningful connections and career growth. Don’t just attend—excel!

Tip #1: Enhance Your Professionalism Through Thoughtful Greetings and Endings Want to project more confidence in professional settings? Start by mastering your greetings. Instead of casual “Hey” or “What’s up,” opt for formal greetings like “Good morning” or “Good afternoon.” These greetings convey respect and instantly elevate the tone. For instance, swap “Hey, how’s it going?” with “Good morning, how are you today?” This subtle shift can make a big difference, highlighting your professionalism and attentiveness.      Remember, a formal closure is equally important. Instead of a casual “All right, see ya!” try “Thank you for your time today, [name]. I appreciate it.” While it may seem like a minor detail, incorporating these simple yet powerful greetings can significantly boost your professional image and communication skills. Try it in your next professional interaction.

Tip #2: Don’t tip the scales with data-heavy presentations In my work with high-performing C-level leaders in financial services, I’ve noticed a common pitfall in presentations: an overload of data. While data is crucial for establishing credibility, incorporating personal elements like stories, examples, and appropriate humor is key. Connecting on a human level alongside expertise is vital for engagement and impact.      Research from Scientific American highlights how people’s brain waves can synchronize during interaction. This synchronization reflects a deeper connection beyond words, shaping how we interpret and respond to shared experiences. Read the full study here.Remember: embracing imperfection, adding spontaneity, and revealing vulnerabilities can make presentations more relatable and memorable. Building trust through authenticity is fundamental for fostering strong relationships.

Tip #3: Think about the required level of preparation.I particularly enjoy supporting high-performing companies during their annual global meetings. Our clients often wonder, “How much preparation should you do?” The short answer: your preparation should match the importance of the event. For a quick 2-minute update or an informal meeting with trusted colleagues, a few minutes of prep might suffice. For a high-stakes meeting where you want to demonstrate trusted-advisor leadership, begin preparing at least two weeks in advance.    Remember: there are no strict rules, but adequate preparation is crucial to appear confident, speak confidently, and build trust. Your effort will pay off in making a lasting impression.

Tip #4: Don’t play Hot Potato when answering questions In a recent one-on-one coaching session with a senior executive, we discussed a common tendency when getting a question lobbed at you. Many of us, including this Executive, tend to answer extremely fast and then lob it back. We laughed when we realized how similar it is to the children’s game ‘Hot Potato.’

Does anyone remember that game? When I was a kid, we played with a balled-up sock, so it was as low-tech as you could get! The goal was to throw back the “potato” as soon as it was tossed your way to stay safe when the rhyme finished. (“…If you have the hot potato, YOU-ARE-IT!”)    If you answer a question immediately and barely even take a moment to pause, you are missing an opportunity to show thoughtfulness and share an insightful response. The goal is NOT to answer fast and get the spotlight off you! By not rushing to throw the ‘potato,’ you value the conversation and the person asking the question. Remember, your role as a listener is just as important as a speaker in fostering a meaningful discussion. Instead, when you are asked a question: Listen, pause, think, THEN respond.       The pause can be short; 1-3 seconds helps you gain composure. No hot potato toss is needed. Take your time.

Tip #5: Add Reflection Points to your company meetingsAs an executive coach, I love exploring topics people haven’t considered until they take a moment to slow down and reflect. It’s like meeting with a trainer at the gym and taking time to consider your short- and long-term goals Recently, I spoke with a successful IT executive who shared his strategy to make meetings more productive. He does a regular “tech overhaul” and thinks about why the meeting is important and whether it could be executed in a way other than as a meeting. He calls these “Reflection Points.”

Adding brief reflection points to your agenda can make meetings more intentional, efficient, and impactful.