Cry Like a Little Girl

Communication fascinates me. This is one of the reasons why I love being a communication trainer and coach.  Communication is like breathing, it’s happening through every person every minute of the day. Communication breakdowns are inevitable no matter how thoughtful we are. As a communication trainer, I can become an observer/researcher to distract myself from negatively reacting (sometimes) as I did on a recent family visit.

The opportunity to learn came from my 19 year old daughter when we were meeting a new significant other (SO) of one of my sisters.  The new SO is an affable guy and everyone really liked him.  We had a busy day of talking and storytelling.

When I was alone with my daughter she said she was upset by something the SO said.  She relayed this by lumping me and everyone else in with him saying “You guys say stuff all the time that is so offensive, stuff people my age would never say.”  I asked her for an example and she said when SO was telling a story he said “I cried like a little girl.”  This statement did not catch my attention when it was uttered however my irate daughter now had my full attention.  She repeated “No one my age would ever talk like that, it’s so insulting.  I used to be a little girl, how does he think that makes me feel?”  Normally I would roll my eyes and tell her she was overreacting however this time, post #metoo, I thought about it.  She was right, this is exactly the kind of insidious language that reinforces the idea that females are weak or worse, that showing vulnerability is a loathsome act.

In order to become more conscious as communicators we need to help each other become aware of these common, insidious phrases and change the narrative.  Everything lives in language and starts with language, it is how we co-create reality.  It’s important for us to speak up in the moment (instead of hours later to our mother).

The challenge: 

How do you gently create awareness when conversation is fun and friendly and in addition you have a new member who is just getting to know the family?

How do you do it without seeming like a nudge?

My advice:

Keep the delivery short and lighthearted.  Possible comments:

  • “I’m glad there are no little girls in earshot.”
  • “At least you didn’t cry like a little boy….right?”
  • “How about crying like a baby so you don’t offend little girls?”

 

Or whatever creative and humorous comment you can think of, remembering the objective is to just create awareness about what was said not to correct, lecture or change the person.  A little bit here and a little bit there will help all of us start to become more conscious about our language.  We owe it to our collective consciousness.

Spread the love

Author

MORE POSTS

Cross-Cultural Conversations: Why Do We Misunderstand Each Other?

The topic of misunderstanding has many angles to discuss; it’s hard to pick one — tone, choice of words, inflection, context, etc. Let’s look at teams that have members from other cultures. Now, remember, each group has its own culture, so when you see me use the word culture, it does not only mean different countries; it might mean other departments. The specific word I’ll focus on for this discussion is IDIOM. Definition an expression

Spread the love

Pause and Consider Your Pauses

Pauses in conversations serve several important functions and are an integral part of effective communication. A pause can signal the end of one thought and the beginning of another; a break between two related thoughts can give the speaker a moment to gather their thoughts or indicate that the speaker is searching for the right words. Pauses can also convey the speaker’s emotions, such as hesitation, uncertainty, or discomfort. In some cultures, long pauses are

Spread the love

Are You Seeing What I’m Saying?

In a fast-paced digital-hybrid work environment, effective communication is crucial for success. Speakers want to be both heard and understood. One of the best tools we use to help clients is lining up their verbal and nonverbal cues. Our message becomes clearer and more impactful when our words and body language sync. We listen with our eyes. By using appropriate hand gestures, facial expressions, and body posture, we can emphasize key points, convey confidence, and

Spread the love

QUESTIONS? NEED HELP?

Tell us what’s on your mind:

    document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', function () { var isWindows = navigator.platform.indexOf('Win') > -1; if (isWindows) { document.body.classList.add('windows'); } });