Pun Intended

05 Dec Pun Intended

Since we’re all about words, we really enjoy it when people have fun with them. Like these puns below. Some are really funny, some are simply clever, and some will make you groan. You’ve been warned.

  1. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  2. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
  3. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
  4. I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  5. Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
  6. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  7. When chemists die, they barium.
  8. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
  9. I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
  10. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  11. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
  12. This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore
  13. I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
  14. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  15. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
  16. The batteries were given out free of charge.
  17. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
  18. A will is a dead giveaway.
  19. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
  20. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  21. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
  22. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  23. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  24. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
  25. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
  26. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  27. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
  28. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
  29. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
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Jeff Turner
Jeff Turner
jturner@speechimprovement.com