Communication Lessons from the life of Senator Edward Kennedy

by Senior Coaching Partner Laurie Schloff

It is difficult to say goodbye to such a larger than life communicator as Senator Edward Kennedy. When greatness passes away from our midst, yet lingers in our consciousness, our team pauses to ask, “What did we learn about greatness and communication from this man? What lessons can we pass along to our families, clients and ourselves?” Here are three to ponder:

1. Focus on Others, Not Yourself.

Tribute after tribute describes Senator Kennedy literally showing up in a friend or citizen’s time of need. Recently, Mayor Tom Menino of Boston had knee surgery. His first phone call upon arriving home was from Senator Kennedy. “Why are you worried about me?” asked the mayor. “I’m worried about you!” You don’t need to be a large and famous man to have a large heart.

2.Be Dynamic and Emotional.

Senator Kennedy had a loud, over the top style, different than the poetic strength of Bobby or the poise of JFK. He hugged and patted. He was effusive at eulogies (and he gave far too many of them) and persuasive even to those who disagreed with him. John McCain said “If you want something done in the Senate, call Teddy.” Like many speakers, he was best with the passionate delivery of memorable lines like these from his 1980 political convention after losing the nomination to Jimmy Carter: “The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die”

3. Be Resilient.

Perhaps more than anyone else, Senator Kennedy taught us that we have to work on being resilient in order to deal with life’s cruel blows and frequent letdowns. Recently, I came across a young woman who was devastated to learn that her boss thought her follow through on projects was inadequate and she was having trouble coping emotionally. Get over it! We must work as hard as possible to develop emotional muscle without becoming a tough person, to achieve as we grieve. Let your cause, your passion, the lessons you’ve learned from your losses keep you going strong until the day you die.

Remembering Senator Edward Kennedy

by Dr. Dennis Becker, CEO, The Speech Improvement Company

When Robert Kennedy was murdered, like a lot of people, I was devastated. To me, he represented the most hope for bridging the gap between the haves and the have-nots in our society. Of course, I was particularly impassioned by his fight for the civil rights issue. He had the ability to both reach out and to point the way at the same tie. His communication prowess was an inspiration to me and my work as a Communication Coach.

At that time, I was also President of the New England Speech Association. On behalf of the association and as a citizen, I wrote a letter of condolence to Bobby’s brother, Edward (Ted) Kennedy. I’m certain that he received many, many such letters. To my amazement I received a personal reply from Teddy (as we all came to know him). It was a warm letter, thanking me for my expression and and encouraging me to carry on what his brother (s) stood for. He signed it in ink, Edward Kennedy.

He and his brothers John and Robert will always be a living example of why and how important it is for all of us to learn to speak and listen to others, especially those who are different and less fortunate than ourselves. I will continue, in my life, to carry their example of good communication.

Here are some inspiring words Ted spoke at his brother Robert’s funeral in 1968, which so resonate today:

“That is the way he lived. That is what he leaves us.

My brother need not be idealized, or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life; to be remembered simply as a good and decent man, who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw suffering and tried to heal it, saw war and tried to stop it.

Those of us who loved him and who take him to his rest today, pray that what he was to us and what he wished for others will someday come to pass for all the world.

As he said many times, in many parts of this nation, to those he touched and who sought to touch him:

“Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not.”

Why Do People Fear Speaking?

by Dr. Dennis Becker

“This question presupposes what to most of society is a given. Speaking to groups is a scary proposition. In fact, it is one of the most prominent fears of all humans. Each survey that is taken places it in the top three, almost every single time. It would be interesting for you to ask a few friends if they feel nervous or fearful about speaking before groups. I’m sure you’ll get mixed replies, of course. One thing you’ll notice, even from those who express little or no fear, is a caution. You will hear statements like ‘It depends on who’s in the group,’ and ‘Well, only some groups.’

It’s not uncommon to hear of career opportunities that have been passed by because they require ‘public speaking.’ It’s not only anxiety about groups. It is also common to find that the anxiety extends to certain types of individuals such as those in positions of authority, or people who are more senior, or, perhaps, people who have different cultures, etc. The fear can be triggered by many things.

So, how do we help people to control that fear? I am not using the term ‘overcome’ to describe the outcome. The very word ‘overcome’ can be too compelling. It can put too much pressure on sufferers to eliminate the fear. So, we strive to gain control over it. This is not a capitulation. It is a recognition that each person will go as far as is needed to regain control over the experience of speaking to groups.

As Speech Coaches for The Speech Improvement Company, we bring 45 years of experience to this effort. We recognize that there are two popular methods for ‘treating’ fear of speaking. They are Visualization and Cognitive Restructuring. Over the years, we have utilized each of these. However, by far we have found most positive results with the Skills approach. That is, we help clients identify and understand exactly what it is that triggers the fear. Then we introduce specific skills to fill any void in the ability to combat that trigger. This process eventually leads to the elimination of the fear inducing triggers. It has been very successful.”

Are women better managers than men?

A recent article on the New York Times titled: “No Doubts: Women Are Better Managers” sparked this reaction from Coach Laurie Schloff.

Laurie Schloff

Communication Coach Laurie Schloff of The Speech Improvement Company (Boston and Tampa) agrees with Carol Smith (right) of the Elle Group that women are often better managers, but based on her work with hundreds of females aiming for the C level she cautions ambitious females:

1. Women are still cut little slack in terms of ‘acceptable’ management behaviors.

Not only do you have to be viewed as competent, you must also be warm and nice.

Remember the Hillary Clinton candidacy lesson. She was widely viewed as too “bossy”until she shed a tear at a New Hampshire press conference, Glad that Carol Smith learned not to be bossy back in sixth grade. Many of Schloff’s client’s have tried to show strength by being tough, and though that works for some males, it almost always translates into bad press for women (Think the word that rhymes with rich).

2.Women who are too nice also suffer.

One client described her boss as “Pollyanna” always looking for the good side. Carol Smith wisely trained herself to give direct and specific feedback and to tell her reports HOW to improve. Many of my senior female clients avoid Carol’s wise ways for one reason that doesn’t work in the workplace.

They are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings.

Laurie will be hosting the following event: “Effective Presentations Certificate Program” on July 30/31st 2009.
Schloff’s advice: Get over it!

Dr. Dennis Becker on The arrest of Henry Gates

by Dr. Dennis Becker.

“Isn’t human communication fascinating?! This whole Gates-Cambridge Police-Crowley-Obama flap is just the latest in the ongoing saga of humans attempting to communicate with each other. By this time, we all pretty much know what happened:

Gates lost his keys to his home and couldn’t get in, Gates asks help of his limo driver to push the door in, Neighbor observes two “black men with back packs” doing this, Neighbor, being good neighbor, calls the police and reports attempted break-in, police arrive, Officer Crowley knocks on door, Gates comes to door, Crowley asks for identification, Gates retrieves Harvard ID card to verify his ownership and occupancy, Crowley accepts response and turns to leave porch, Gates complains about being harassed because of being a black man, Gates emerges from house onto front porch and continues commentary, Crowley replies with comment on Gates being public disturbance or disturbing the peace and arrests Gates.

Gates is placed in handcuffs behind his back, Gates complains he uses a cane and can’t walk with hands behind him, different officer intervenes and handcuffs are changed to front of Gates as he is taken to jail.

Now, obviously I’m summarizing broadly here. You can watch the video of both Gates and Crowley describing what happened.

I realize that there were nuances of inflection, facial expression, body language, volume, vocabulary, and more which were in play during the actual incident. I realize that it is important for us to engage in rhetorical analysis of the micro elements of this communication, if for no other reason than to learn from it. All of this can be justified from the perspective of wanting to help others who may be confronted with similar situations. I get that.

So, as a communication coach with more than 40 years of experience, allow me to suggest what would have served better for both Gates and Crowley. These two intelligent, accomplished professionals should be embarrassed for themselves for not being able to simply chalk this up to poor, but understandably human judgment at the time of the incident.

Each of these men entered that situation with personal and professional “baggage,” probably harkening as far back as early childhood, regarding issues of authority, privacy, race and respect. Each of these men, in retrospect, is still being controlled by those same long-standing attitudes which enable the “baggage” they carry. Gates should have thanked the officer for doing his duty. He should have overlooked the “attitude” that may have been conveyed in body language, vocabulary, etc. He should have immediately called his neighbor and offered thanks for the caring, watchful eye.

Crowley should have, after verifying the identity of Gates, apologized for any inconvenience and explained that he was simply responding to a report of a break-in and following usual protocol. He then should have simply turned and left the premises. He has probably done this many times before. So, as my Jewish friends would say, “Why should this night be any different than any other night?” Well, that’s human nature. We get very defensive as an initial means of interaction in what appears to be a threatening situation. No, not necessarily physically threatening, but threatening to authority, privacy, race and respect. Most of us lash out with the first two human communication tools we have – body language and speech. That is, we give a “look,” a “gesture,” a “mumble,” a “snicker.” You all know what I’m describing. We have all done it on occasion. It’s a human’s way of “defending” turf and self. On the receiving end, it gets regarded as disrespect or a challenge. If the reaction isn’t strong or obvious enough, there are always onlookers who can add “Ooh, are you gonna’ take that?” and we all know where it goes from there. Suddenly, all our “baggage” starts to unravel and the humans have two options: one is verbal/nonverbal and the other is physical.

Both of these men were at fault. Each should have acted more responsibly in recognizing the setting and circumstances that brought them together. Both of them should simply recognize their actions as the heat of the moment, while not being “wrong” were triggering and were triggered.

To top it off, now Obama is in it! His remarks did not serve him well. His vocabulary did not serve him or others well. He does not have an equal right to proclaim positions and expect little or no repercussion. He too has “baggage.” He’s human. All humans have “baggage,” but he is the President of the most powerful nation on the planet. He is a historical figure in so many ways. Whether we agree with him or not, he must be a bit more accepting – his casual, over the back fence, friendly, neighborly opinion just ain’t that. He’s The President of the most powerful nation on the planet! However, the rest of us must also accept his humanness and be able to step back from the fake heat that is generated by those who live off the “baggage” of others.

There are so many more critical issues in the world. Why are we not blogging about Darfur, or child molestation, or hunger, etc. Come on folks, keep it real! Try carrying your “baggage” in the other hand for a while.”

Dr. Dennis Becker is CEO , Principal & Senior Coaching Partner at The Speech Improvement Company.

Rewind: Professor Gates meets Sgt. Crowley

If only everyone had obeyed our SOS Stop-Observe-Strategize Principle, one esteemed Harvard professor and one well regarded police sargeant in Cambridge Massachuseetts would be sleeping better tonight.

So to the both of you, think mind over mouth next time.

1. Sgt. Crowley: Couldn’t you have used your astute observation
skills to surmise that the well dressed, articulate and arrogant fella
was likely a Harvard man? Could you have made nice?

2. Professor Gates, yes you just returned from China and couldn’t get
into your own house but you’ve been controlling your demeanor for good
results your whole life.

Could you have told yourself “this is really not my day” and come up with a way to humor the stone faced officer? How about finding out more about what job he had turned up at your home to do, then proudly shown your ID?

Ok no one, black or white, likes to show identification at their own house, but the officer would have called it a day and you would have had the time for tea and jet lag recovery

3. Hey guys, you are both supposedly experts in racial profiling.
Shouldn’t this have led to a bond not a breakdown?

Imagine a rewind:
Gates: Here’s my ID. I’m head of African American Studies here at Harvard–just got back from China

Crowley: Sorry Professor, this isn’t your day is it? Sorry for the inconvenience but we got a call and there’s been quite a few burglaries lately. Well I’m off to the police academy to teach.

Gates: Really, what do you teach?

CrowleY: Ethics and avoiding racial profiling

Gates: Terrific… that’s my expertise too. well keep up the good work. And thanks for watching out for the neighborhood. And keep being cool before you use those handcuffs on some dude.
Crowley: No problem professor. Remember your keys next time.

How Obama Talks: Why Obama Needs a Teleprompter

Commentary by Laurie Schloff

“When Obama’s telempromter screen shattered abruptly at a White House press briefing last week, the audience held its collective breath.

Obama’s communication strength lies in his ability to deliver a prepared, pre-written speech, not to ad lib, “wing it” or be impromptu. Communication coaches observe that this difference in skill depending on context is not unusual at all. In fact, John McCain (remember him?) was way more smooth when responding to on-the-spot questions than
reading off a teleprompter.

Luckily for Obama, there was an additional teleprompter screen at his briefing and he continued on with his usual grace.”

Question: What do you like or not like about the way Obama speaks?

Next Obama Talk: What’s he doing with his hands?

“Making choices with language” by Debbie London

“I’m not trying to over-simplify things,” says London, “but communication is about making choices. We make choices with the language we use whether we’re being purposeful or not and those choices have effects.”

Debbie London

When asked if she could elaborate, London continued; “Perception is reality. How individuals recall and interpret a moment or a memory shapes the way s/he behaves. Language is the tool we use to shape those perceptions. If we use negative or derogatory terms to reference some one or some thing, we are inevitably going to behave in like manner. If, however, we think or talk about some one or some thing in glowing and positive terms, we’ll behave accordingly.”

Taking this outside the classroom and into the boardroom is what London has been applying recently; although, she started thinking about perception and reality as a college student. As a sophomore at Syracuse University, Debbie London was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. “There was very little literature written about living with MS at that time [1980’s], especially something that wasn’t written for the medical community, “There have got to be so many people who live a successful life in spite of having MS and in spite of the dooming and limited literature that currently exists,” recalls London.

That revelation led Debbie to writing a doctoral dissertation on language shaping reality. She talked with women who live with MS and discovered that they live successfully with MS largely because of the language they use. “Rarely will you hear someone with MS say, ’oh, poor me’, but more likely you will hear her or him say, ‘Yes, I have MS, and while I’m not happy about it, lots of people have problems.’”

Now when London works with clients, she uses a similar strategy. “If you think confidently, if you use confident and assertive verbal and nonverbal communication,” London says, ”others will perceive you as competent and confident. And perception is reality.”

Dr. Debbie London is an accomplished coach and consultant who brings a combination of international experience and understanding of human interaction to her clients. This is how her biography starts out on The Speech Improvement Company’s website. A former college professor of communication studies, Dr. London has a wide array of experiences on which to draw. When she uses those experiences to make a point with students or clients, the common thread is communication.

Sales tips from Dikram Husseindjian

Dikram Husseindjian is a former VP of Sales at Apple Inc, Canada.

Dikram is now senior partner at Embrase a consulting firm in Montreal, QC. “For the past eight years he was National Sales Manager at Apple Canada, leading the sales team to top performance in revenue and profitability growth. Prior to joining the information technology sector, he spent 5 years in marketing and product management in the manufacturing sector for companies that include Honeywell, Bristol-Meyers and Hunter Douglas.”

He was invited by iNovia Capital and gave a one-hour long presentation on sales strategies.

One of the mistakes Dikram says sales representatives make, is that they keep the CEO of the company they are trying to sell to, involved throughout the sales process.

While Dikram says that a sales representative should start to enter as high as possible, including CEO level, he recommends that after this initial step, the CEO be not involved with details in the middle parts of the sales process. Instead, he should be called again in the closing stages of the process.

The sales process itself is composed of six steps:

Discovery -> Qualifying -> Evaluating -> Decision -> Purchase-> Deploy

Throughout this process, three key variables will have varying degrees of importance.

Solution Fit: critical at first but decreases in importance.

Price: important at the beginning and end of the process.

Risk: rises for the potential purchaser as time passes.

In short, sales is about strategy and formalising procedures rather than a series of improvisations.

Dikram Husseindjian is a partner at Embrase.com

Hearts, minds, wallets

During this second day of presentations, Austin Hill, suggested a way for start-up companies to think about their pitches to investors.

HEARTS –> MINDS –> WALLETS

The key he says, is to first appeal to the “hearts” of the potential investors through a narrative that will get them excited about their service of product. Then you have to back the story with data and a concrete business plan to win theirs “minds”. If these are performed convincingly, they are the way to the money; or their “wallets”.

Incidentally, Austin doesn’t think start-up companies not to mention valuation at the end of their pitch. Instead, he suggests they say that there are different ways of valuing the company and that “we will be happy to discuss these in more details in a further meeting”.

What transpired from this second day is that start-up companies need to develop a narrative around their service or product but that they shouldn’t give away all that they have. Rather they should think about their pitch as “teasing” the VC’s into wanting more.

Wahyd, Austin Hill and Josko Bobanovic