Well, Well, Well…Enough Already!

By Dr. Dennis Becker, Principal & Senior Coaching Partner

Have you noticed how often people begin speaking by saying “Well…”? Well, I have. It’s enough already! Why do they do it? What does it mean? Well, let’s explore it a bit:

First of all, a bit of empirical data will help frame these thoughts. I started noticing this trend about a year ago. At first, I thought nothing of it. It was just a figure of speech, I surmised. As a Speech Coach, however, I couldn’t ignore the increasing use of the word. Or, maybe it was just my increasing awareness of the word. Well, I decided to conduct some informal research. I began with television news interviews. WOW! “Well” was everywhere. In four of the Sunday morning news interview programs, on three different networks, I counted a total of 127 questions or comments made by the host(s). Of that number a total of 103 were responded to with statements beginning with “well…”. Interesting.

Interesting enough that I carried my informal research to the live settings of business meetings. As a Speech Coach, this is a common setting for me, so I had numerous opportunities to observe and count again. Over a period of one month I focused on five different meeting settings. These were in a variety of business genres including Healthcare, Biotech, Hi Tech, and Manufacturing. The average length of each meeting was one hour. The average number of participants was 4. Again, I was listening for how many time a speaker began his/her remarks with the word “well”. Unlike the TV research, I did not have the luxury of replay, so my count may have been a bit off actual numbers. Regardless, the premise of frequency of use was borne out. I counted a total of 203 comments. Of that number a total of 64 were initiated with the word “well”.

Well, well, well. It’s only informal research. Some folks will discount it on those grounds alone. None the less, it did serve to validate that I was not crazy about hearing that word so frequently. Why is this particular word so prevalent?

Well, I will venture an informal opinion to go with my informal research. The previous sentence serves as an example of my viewpoint. “Well” was used in that sentence to introduce the word “venture” in that sentence. “Well” was used in that sentence, as I believe it was used in most of all those measured, to indicate some tentativeness. As I thought about the comments on the TV news interview shows, it was was most certainly used as a way for the speaker to say “I may not be entirely secure or certain of what I’m about to say, but…”, or, “there may be some truth in what you asked, however,…”

When you listen a bit closer you can hear the meaning of “well” in some of our most well-known speakers:

Barack Obama’s “well”……..short, pointed, implying: “look, I’ve heard that before, but, here’s the truth…”
Glen Beck’s “well”………sing-songy, accompanied by a wagging head, implying: “how stupid is that…”
Oprah Winfrey’s “well”……..rising inflection, implying: “if that’s true, then guess what…”
Piers Morgan’s “well”…….short, almost a snort, implying: “no matter what you think, here’s the truth…”
Church Lady’s “well”……very sing-songy, accompanied by a squinting face, implying: “and you think that make you special…”
Most Hairdressers, “well”……resolved tone with raised eyebrow, implying: “ok, but don’t say I didn’t warn you…”

The word “well” seems to have become a universal indicator of caution or exemption for the following words. Its use allows the user to backtrack, if attacked or rebuffed, and restate or rephrase meaning or intent without acceptance of fault or inaccuracy, merely mis-interpretation. It is also used as a proclamation of skepticism on the part of the speaker, a subtle indicator of disagreement or question.

Perhaps, the most interesting “finding” in my informal research was that the use of the word “well” was heard much more frequently from speakers who supposedly had more education or stature in the community. Politicians were heavy users, academics were heavy users. Can we surmise that they are more tentative in expressing their opinions? Maybe. In any case, it’s worth noting. I urge you to notice it in your experiences, then to evaluate the following words for clarity and commitment.

Well, at least, ” well” isn’t as grating, nasty, annoying, ignorant, uncreative and childish as “like”. I dare you to try and count the number of times you hear that in a day. “You’d be like, ‘well, I’m like, well, you know.’ “.

Steven Slater: Service Traitor

By Laurie Schloff, Senior Coaching Partner

Hello people, rationality calling.

I feel real bad for Steven Slater.  Most of us would forgive him for reaching the flying freak out point one hot day in August.

We got the laugh and the vicarious revenge.  Apparently, many Americans are so fed up with the people or the boss they were hired to serve that flight attendant Steven Slater’s dramatic exit from JetBlue made them green with envy.

Sure, it’s a blast to bond over one giant slide revenge fantasy together—for a day.

But Slater’s no hero to those of us working for positive communication in the workplace. He made a rabid choice when he slid down that chute with two beers.   If only he had stopped at the beers and regained his bearing!

In addition to facing a possible seven years in prison for the most slapstick career buster ever, Steven Slater is a service traitor.

Too bad– with his know how and experience, he could have been a service first-rater.

Great service providers have to be able to take the cabin pressure.  They don’t give in to rudeness.   They break the routine by bonding in some small way with customers.  They pride themselves on keeping cool and use techniques to block negative emotion.

Service soldiers win medals for kindness, compassion and patience.  They nurture themselves with deep breaths, venting to a pal and a good foot massage.

Super servicers understand that customers can have bad days and even be bad people, but that great service providers are proud to be pleasant, even on their worst days.

Granted, Mr. Slater may end up hosting a “Take This Job and Shove It” reality show.

Sadly though, his inner reality is that he failed to be all he could be in the profession of service civility.

——

We would love your response to:

“What do you do when you are about to lose your cool at work?”

Rebels Rap for Peace – The Power of Symbols

By Dr. Dennis Becker, Principal & Senior Coaching Partner

Last week I was on vacation in Martha’s Vineyard , along with sixteen other family members.  It’s an annual thing.  We plan it a year in advance and all commit to it.  It’s great..  During the week, two separate  conversations  gave me pause to wonder about how we are interpreting symbols these days.  By symbols I mean those non-verbal , non-audio signs on everything from bill boards and busses to pants and purses .  TV, newspapers and magazines  are inundated with them.  Two  particular symbols come to mind.  What do you think?

1.    I happened into a conversation with some young folks while we all enjoyed ice cream.  It was a most enjoyable conversation .  That is , until I asked one question of a beautiful little girl sitting next to me.  She was eight years old.  She was adorned in all the usual impressionable eight year old fashion requirements. Those included a variety of items with peace symbols on them.  So, I asked her what that symbol meant.  She proceeded to tell me with unabashed confidence that it meant fun, friends, being comfortable, being cool, “and stuff like that”.  Curiously,  I got essentially the same response from a group of teenage girls, also enjoying ice cream,  sitting on an adjoining bench, and also  regaled with peace signs.

2.   Early one morning , as I braved the cold of the Atlantic along Inkwell Beach,  I  came across a young man,  17ish.    As we shivered together and shared tales of the sea creatures,  I asked the inevitable question ,”so where do you go to school?”

He told me the name of the school and proudly announced, ‘home of the Rebels!”

I asked  what the team and school logo was.  He said it was the rebel flag.  “Do you know what the rebel flag stands for?”, I asked.  “Pride in your school and your team”, he replied with some bravado.   “But, do you know what the rebel flag stands for,  what is is the symbol of”,  I persisted.  What followed was a sad commentary on the fact that although he had knowledge of the rebel flag as being a symbol of the old South,  he put the emphasis on  “old South”.  To him it was merely a symbol of his school and team.  That “other stuff”  didn’t have any relationship to these days and his school and team.  Nobody really cared about “that other stuff” any more.

These two particular incidents certainly made me wonder about how many other symbols we might have in contemporary society  that are being misconstrued.  For instance,  we see Rock stars, politicians, wen business people flashing the two fingered  V   shape on TV , street corners, and business offices every day.  Does it still have the same emotional attachments it had in the 60′s?  Does it still divide the hawks and doves?  I don’t think so.

Music is no exception.  We were among the first companies to get an 800 phone number.  We were able to get 1-800LETS RAP.  Catchy in those days.  A real challenge now.  We get so many phone calls from potential  “Rap stars”  who want  us to publish their  “songs”.

One of the most upsetting re-interpretations of a symbol was a recent production attended of the classic Broadway musical HAIR.  It had its origin the late 60′s when the war between those in favor of the Vietnam war and those opposed to it caused regular clashes.  A definite symbol of many who were opposed to it was the growth of long hair.  The Beatles had something to do with this too, I’m sure.  HAIR depicted  soldiers with guns at the ready being confronted by “Hippies” with long hair placing flowers into the rifles of the soldiers while singing and reciting “love not war” mantras.  Unfortunately, the production of HAIR which I attended recently,depicted the same scene with the  “hippies” throwing the flowers at the soldiers and shouting “love not war” in angry tones and daring postures.  It was a total misunderstanding of the message of  HAIR, let alone that era….”Hair like Jesus wore it…”   Remember that line?

So, it behooves us to be careful of how we use symbols and how we simply accept that the same symbol changes it’s meaning…OR NOT…with the passage of time.  It further behooves us to help younger generations clearly understand the hurt that can be inflicted due to a lack of knowing how that symbol  originated may be perceived by others.  I am very glad that I extended my conversations with that little girl and that teenage boy to the point where they thanked me and vowed to spread the accuracy of the symbol.  I hope I didn’t come across as too pedantic, but I believe in the words of St. Francis of Assisi who said,   “It is no good to walk somewhere to teach unless we teach as we walk”.

Symbols are very much a part of how we communicate .  When you see one being used in a questionable manner,  i invite you to ask about it.  The answers you get may be somewhat  upsetting.  That’s why the ice cream is so important.

Email Etiquette is Vital to Productive Communication in the Workplace

By Tori Aiello, Coach/Trainer at The Speech Improvement Company

Now more than ever email is changing the dynamics of how we communicate in the business world, and I have found that this type of communication is most efficient and effective when everyone in the same workplace agree to some “rules of the road” such as “Who do I need to cc?” or “What needs to be in the subject line?” or “When is it appropriate to forward?”.  In order to achieve this goal, I strongly encourage businesses to adopt, educate and reinforce professional email etiquette.  The result will be clear and more efficient electronic communication that increases productivity and camaraderie across the entire organization.

Britney Gengel–Please be Alive

By: Laurie Schloff

Usually I am glad when there’s an empty seat next to me on a plane. Yet when a mom with a beautiful smile apologized for taking the middle seat, her spirit was so warm, I didn’t mind at all. As TV camera people came down the aisle to film her just sitting there. I said “You must be famous.” She told me that she was going to meet her daughter, a student at Lynn University in Florida, who had just arrived in Haiti with a student group called “Journey of Hope to Haiti”. An hour after checking into the hotel, the earthquake hit. I instinctively said, “You’re Britney’s mom.”

I had heard her husband on the radio that morning praising God and that all he wanted was Britney in his arms. They had been told she had been rescued, was in a helicopter, perhaps on its way to the nearby Dominican Republic. They had not talked to her or seen a picture and didn’t know if she was physically hurt.

Going through a personal earthquake of emotions, to a destination of unknowns I was amazed by CherylAnn’s ability to show such grace and cheer on the outside. This was a communication under pressure lesson for me and one I will pass on to clients –and myself.

I felt protective of CherylAnn, flying through the clouds to hold her daughter. We both watched CNN in fear., I gave her some juicy fruit and movie magazines. She told me that Britney dreamed of being on TV. I said that as a speech coach, I’d help her in any way and for her sure to be debut as a guest on The Today Show on Monday . CherylAnn turned to say ” See you on Oprah!” as she departed with her husband and their two teen boys to reunion with their little girl.

But this morning, the world and dear mom, CherylAnn, were told that there had been a mistake and that though eight Lynn University students arrived in Fort Lauderdale last night, Britney was not one of them.
It is now a Journey of Hope for the world, CherylAnn and her family.

Britney Gengel, please be alive.

THE TALKING AMERICAN TALIBAN

I have been coaching speakers of all kinds, from all walks of life, from every continent, from every age bracket, from every economic strata, and from every social class for more than 45 years. I have coached through times of peace and times or war. I have coached on topics of great and grave public consequence, and on topics of intimate and personal concern. I have coached speakers of the highest public personality and purpose, and speakers whose purpose in life was survival. I am a teacher. I am a coach. I am a guide. I am a motivator. I am a listener. I am a professional. I am very concerned.

The current level of speaking and listening regarding the expression of opinion on matters in the public domain, including opinion about people in the public domain in our beloved country is alarming, very alarming. Those people in the “public domain” whose individual career, personality and income is fed by the attention and commentary, good or bad, pleasant or putrid, are not my concern. Those people whose courage and commitment to the service of other human beings puts them into the “public domain” are my concern. Chief among these currently is our President of The United States of America, Barack Obama.

Now, I am quite aware of, and accepting of, the need for public criticism of public politicians, especially The POTUS. In fact, public criticism of The POTUS is a constructive part of the democratic process. Criticism of public policies, programs, and philosophies is an essential contribution to be made by the loyal opposition, no matter which party is in power. Such criticism is also very valuable when it comes from the “public”. It is also part of the democratic way of life that we cherish.
It serves as a valuable contribution to ” The American Way”. So, why am I very concerned?

I am concerned, disappointed, embarrassed, frightened, and angry about the type and amount of vitriol and sleazy speech we are hearing about The POTUS. No, not because I am a registered Democrat. I am not. No, not because I voted for Obama, and that is none of your business. Commentary and criticism have turned into condemnation and threats. The current spate of racial epithets and curses spewed about our POTUS and supported and justified with quotes from the bible have risen to a frightening level. I am hearing and seeing what can only be referred to as the American Taliban. It is made up of those who use religion as a basis for their remarks. Isn’t that exactly what the Taliban and Al Qaeda do when then try to justify their vile and murderous treatment of other human beings by citing the Koran? There is no difference. The fact that these members of the American Taliban are “citizens” of this country does not give them the right to threaten our POTUS.

As disgusting and un-American I believe this type of speech to be, I am a defender of the right to free speech, which we cherish in our country. However, it seems to have reached a new low, a low that I cannot recall over my 45 years as a speech coach. Of most concern is the fuel that it puts on the fire within those persons who are not able to self contain their dislike of others and who look to responsible leaders for guidance on how to express their dislike. Of special concern is this propensity for using religious justification and citations from holy books to explain and claim the right to do harm both physical and psychological. It has reached a pitch that cannot be ignored. These American Taliban members must not be ignored. They are not just a bunch of crazies. The are not just ” on the lunatic fringe”. We have always had those among us. This new brand of mongers come from and are supported by those who would be seen as “respectable” citizens. The fact is, they are hiding in plain sight. They are as dangerous as the Taliban found in foreign countries. They are the religious zealots on the right and the left.

I am writing these words to urge each and every person who loves America, who loves the freedoms we have, who loves and respects the separation of church and state, who sees the horror and pain that has been inflicted in the name of religion, to speak out. Do not simply ignore these people. Do not write them off as crazies. They are dangerous. We have had too many Timothy McVeigh’s in our lifetime. Be a good citizen. Exercise YOUR right to free speech. Do not be afraid to defend the freedoms so many have fought and died for. Whether you like his politics or not, defend The POTUS. Defend the Presidency. It is representative of the American way of life. Be part of that life. Be the loyal opposition. In this case, oppose the vile and degrading comments that are being made about our President, our Presidency. Help protect, preserve, and propagate the productive speech that has made this great country what it is.

Dr. Dennis Becker

He and She Talk: Male/Female Communication

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Laurie Schloff
Senior Coaching Partner
The Speech Improvement Company
617-739-3330

WE SEE RUDE PEOPLE

HOW TV CAUSES THE FEAR OF SPEAKING by Dr. Dennis Becker

ALL TOGETHER NOW: TAKE A DEEP BREATH

by Laurie Schloff/Senior Coaching Partner